Depression - the monster on your back · Health & Fitness · Just Because


Well I haven’t wrote on this for what feels like ages! I’m just so bloody tired all the time since I’ve gone back to work full time!

I’ve been up to a few things; had a birthday, been out with friends, had some really good days and I’ve been to London the past few days. So social-wise I’ve been doing well.

Mental health-wise? Up and down. I’ve had some really good days where I’ve felt like things are going to be okay eventually. I’ve also had some days where I’ve felt like there’s really no point and I’ve wished I’d never gone back to work or left the house.

Physical health-wise? Well that’s got worse. I’m now in one pain or another every single day. I don’t know where it’s come from or why it’s got worse; I’m also a bit worried as it seems to have started appearing in new places as well as the regular neck/shoulder area.

For example, for the past couple of weeks, I’ve really bad pain in my hands. Mainly in my knuckles and fingers. I’ve laughed it off a couple of times as me being bloody freak of nature but it’s getting to the point I’m taking more painkillers just to feel it less. My shoulder and neck pain has been consistently bad and it feels like it’s constant now; it’s dull and throbbing and there’s what feels like a grinding in my shoulder and collarbone.

To top this off, my feet have been in pain EVERY SINGLE DAY. I have bunions on both feet and I’m seriously considering having the operation to get them removed. The thing is, they’ll only get worse. I’ve been wearing gel protectors and toe separators every day to try and take some of the pain off but they don’t seem to make much difference. Also in the last few days, the toe separators have given me massive blisters in between my big and second toes. It’s bloody agony!

It’s really making me feel low. I feel like I can’t remember when I was last not in any pain. Currently, as well as my feet, hands, shoulder and neck, I’m having lower back pain too. Seriously feel like going to bed and not getting up for days.

It’s really hard trying to stay positive when it feels like one thing after another. I joined a gym a few weeks ago and every time I’ve been, I’ve had excruciating pain in my feet when on the treadmill, so I’ve had to cut that out. I also can’t use the rowing machine because of the same issue.  I’m okay on the exercise bike so I’ve been sticking to that with the “something’s better than nothing” theory. But it’s knocked what little confidence I have.

So I’m going to book an appointment with my new GP. I’ve actually not been in touch with them since applying to become registered with them so I’m really hoping they’ve accepted me so I can speak to someone who might actually look at my notes before seeing me.

I wish I could write about the lovely weekend I’ve just had or what a great birthday I’ve had but right now, all I can think about is the pain I’m in 😦

Fingers crossed I can get some decent painkillers and start feeling better!
Sutz x

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